Dear Holy Spirit: A somewhat angsty letter

I’ve been told that going through the discernment process toward working in ministry is a bit like a “Holy Spirit roller coaster”—sending you up and down and around curves that you can’t see. It’s terrifying, it’s exciting, it’s sometimes fun. But it’s sometimes downright frustrating when you wish you could just see what’s ahead and brace yourself, or just get off of it. I’m in discernment, formally for about six months, and informally for about half my life. I’m a bit frustrated with the Holy Spirit right now. Does this sound familiar? I’m pretty sure this doesn’t happen to just those who think they might want to serve in ministry, since we all have vocations and callings. 

I’m not a poet, and I definitely know it. But for reasons beyond me, I thought I would burst if I didn’t get this out. So, dear reader(s?), I offer it to you. Holy Spirit, and Triune God, I also offer this prayer to you with the gentle petition that you might please make things just a little clearer, or at least give me a little coasting time to catch my breath. All of this as is your will, not mine.

Dear Holy Spirit

So often my prayer is Come, Holy Spirit

Come

Come

with your flashing tongues of fire

with your rushing winds

your gentle whisper

your sacred silence.

 

Come

Live in my heart

Speak to me

Guide my life.

Come.

 

But to tell the truth

dear Holy Spirit

sometimes I would

really truly

rather tell you

to leave me

in peace

 

I don’t understand you

often unspoken third

of Holy Trinity.

I don’t hear you

or sense you

or feel you

when I long for you most deeply.

 

I sit in reverent silence

I wait

I pray.

And yet

I fail to find you.

 

Other times

dear Spirit,

you relentlessly nag at my soul

you make me yearn

for the sacred

the divine

the holiness

that we are promised

that dwells within us

because of  you

mysterious Triune God.

 

Dear  Holy Spirit

you challenge me

to journey far far

beyond my places of comfort

To love those who wound

to praise in all times and places

to glorify

and to serve

with all that I have

all that I am

all that I will become.

 

Dear Holy Spirit

I am tired

I am baffled and bewildered

I am lost in a wilderness

of mind, heart,  and soul

held prisoner by a world

that so desperately

needs you.

And what you

you alone

freely give.

 

So, dear Holy Spirit,

Come

Come

Dwell in my heart

Give me strength and courage

to trust you in your mysterious ways

Guide my life

Lead me in your ever-twisting path

that I may serve forever

truly,

deeply

Dear

Holy

Spirit.

 

Amen, amen, amen. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s